Sometimes I'm reminded of the things I use to have time to do. You know, the things I enjoyed. And, sometimes I find myself thinking about the things I hope to do someday. I just hope that when the day comes and I have the time I will also have the motivation and the energy. Along with that, I like to remind myself of the little things that make me who I am, which sometimes seem to get drowned out by the laundry and the dishes and the diapers and the meals and playtime and naptime and timeout time.
But here is what I want to remember most right now. THIS is one of my dreams. I couldn't wait to be a mom, a wife, a homemaker. This is a part of who I am and my personality is reflected in even the small things every day. Who I am is not being lost or forgotten it is being grown and reshaped to encompass a dream come true...besides how many of those do we really get?
Friday, April 1, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
The day my husband and I were to leave the hospital with our son I felt very young and unequipped. I looked at the nurses who were checking us out and kept thinking, "Your just going to let us walk out of here with this baby!?!?" Here was this precious little being who was completely dependent and they were going to let us take it home.
I know, the reality is they didn't really have a choice, but I've since decided that we should have baby vows...you know, like wedding vows. Then when they place your new baby in your arms you would recite your vows and be given a parents' certificate along with their birth certificate. And, of course it would be something that you reviewed before the baby-making even commenced.
I, (your name), take you, my Child, to hold you and hug you and kiss you, to love you and to guide you, on good days and on bad days, when you're grumpy and when your happy, when you obey and when you don't, provide for your needs and some of your desires, nurse you when you're sick and watch you run and play, to pick you up when you fall down and praise your best efforts, to foster your imagination and encourage your everchanging dreams, to teach you what I know and learn all I can from you, for as long as i get to be your mommy.
Perhaps it should be revised every 10 years so it could be even more specifc. That way when they're a baby it would include something about sleep depravation and crying through the night, and stinky diapers and runny noses. And, when they're toddlers something about potty training. And, teenagers something about asserting their indenpendence.
I don't know if there's any way to feel absolutely prepared for when they place that first baby in your arms and you look into their trusting eyes. There's so much you can be told, but won't understand until the time comes.
I know, the reality is they didn't really have a choice, but I've since decided that we should have baby vows...you know, like wedding vows. Then when they place your new baby in your arms you would recite your vows and be given a parents' certificate along with their birth certificate. And, of course it would be something that you reviewed before the baby-making even commenced.
I, (your name), take you, my Child, to hold you and hug you and kiss you, to love you and to guide you, on good days and on bad days, when you're grumpy and when your happy, when you obey and when you don't, provide for your needs and some of your desires, nurse you when you're sick and watch you run and play, to pick you up when you fall down and praise your best efforts, to foster your imagination and encourage your everchanging dreams, to teach you what I know and learn all I can from you, for as long as i get to be your mommy.
Perhaps it should be revised every 10 years so it could be even more specifc. That way when they're a baby it would include something about sleep depravation and crying through the night, and stinky diapers and runny noses. And, when they're toddlers something about potty training. And, teenagers something about asserting their indenpendence.
I don't know if there's any way to feel absolutely prepared for when they place that first baby in your arms and you look into their trusting eyes. There's so much you can be told, but won't understand until the time comes.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
The Joys of Being a Kid
Do you remember when you were young how fascinating and exciting so many things were?
My family took a trip up to the snow the other day. Nowhere special really. We just drove until there was a good covering on the ground and then found an empty church parking lot. Kristopher, who absolutely loves Christmas time and snowmen, had never gotten to play in the snow. He's seen some snow patches on the ground and watched it fall, but never played in it. Needless to say he was excited! It didn't matter that we didn't have snow clothes or that we were in a parking lot; there was snow and that's all that mattered. As Daddy started throwing loosely packed snow his way, it only added to the fun. Unable to pack a snowball himself he very sweetly asked Daddy to make him one, which Daddy did. Then with a mischievous smile, Kristopher stepped back and announced he was going to throw it at him.
One of the joys for me as a mother is getting to relive the joys of childhood as I watch my kids dream and imagine and experience a wonder like snow for the first time. It's a good reminder for me that joy is not just found in grand things, but often times...if not most of the time...in the simple things.
My family took a trip up to the snow the other day. Nowhere special really. We just drove until there was a good covering on the ground and then found an empty church parking lot. Kristopher, who absolutely loves Christmas time and snowmen, had never gotten to play in the snow. He's seen some snow patches on the ground and watched it fall, but never played in it. Needless to say he was excited! It didn't matter that we didn't have snow clothes or that we were in a parking lot; there was snow and that's all that mattered. As Daddy started throwing loosely packed snow his way, it only added to the fun. Unable to pack a snowball himself he very sweetly asked Daddy to make him one, which Daddy did. Then with a mischievous smile, Kristopher stepped back and announced he was going to throw it at him.One of the joys for me as a mother is getting to relive the joys of childhood as I watch my kids dream and imagine and experience a wonder like snow for the first time. It's a good reminder for me that joy is not just found in grand things, but often times...if not most of the time...in the simple things.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
The Only Thing Worse Than a Bad Day is my Inability to Handle it
My day, yesterday, had started out well, or at least no different than normal. Makaylia had messed through her diaper (for the third morning in a row), but that's what washing machines are for right? I had my list of things to do, as well as my Plan B list for when I ran out of time and/or energy to accomplish what was on the first list. And, it was Valentine's Day. With an evening planned with my husband and our friends, my main goal was to enjoy the day with my kids and get ready for my date.
I'm not sure where the day made a turn for the worst but I soon found myself snapping at Kristopher and trying not to lose all my sanity in an unrelenting scream. My day seemed to quickly fall apart, and so did I. Nothing had been accomplished, or so it felt, and I was still unshowered.
After explaining this to a more experienced mom this morning. She said, "I understand." I thanked her and laughed, but then even more sincerely than the first time she said, "No, really, I understand." Again, I thanked her and was quiet for fear that if I tried to speak again I would burst into tears. It was so comforting for someone to be so empathetic; to be accepting of my imperfections and honest about her own all in one simple phrase. She then shared a little piece of wisdom that really touched me.
She said that as a young mom she used to measure her success by how well she was able to keep it together, but later realized that wasn't how God measured her success. He measured her success by whether she ran to Him, asking for His forgiveness and help.
Oh how I can relate to that feeling of defeat at the end of the day, or even mid-day. All it would take is one moment of lost self-control and my day had been tainted. Most of the time, my attention would then turn to God, but sometimes only half-heartedly. What a difference it would make for my focus to be on the recovery and forgiveness of the situation rather than my mistake. How much better will I fall asleep at night when instead of counting how many times I snapped counting how many times my thoughts were brought to my Savior and my spirit bowed to His strength and grace.
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